Ever since you found out you were going to a new school, you've changed...and not in a good way
You've become distant, you act like you don't want to be around me, or talk to me
Today I told you that there might be something rather wrong with me health wise, and that I'm terrified to go to the doctor for it
You acted like you cared when I said that I had an anxiety attack at the mall tonight, and that I broke down when I got home because I was worrying and stressing out about a variety of things
And after I explained to you what is going on with me, you told me that "You aren't the best person to be talking about this to." but then you turn around and say that you're here for me, but only when I "really need you", and that you're "really scared about your own health problems".
I understand that completely. My health problems don't even compare to what you're going through, with the constant Doctor visits and medications...
But what you fail to realize is, that right now? I really need you. I need you to tell me that everything will be ok, to TRY and calm me down.
You told me that you got annoyed because I was going "on and on" about how I might have this, and how I might have that.
When you do the exact fucking thing, on a daily basis. And what do I do? I sit there and listen, I try to calm you down, even though I might be annoyed by it sometimes, I still listen.
Why is it that you can tell me every little thing that's wrong with you, but the one time I'm actually freaking out about something that might be wrong with me. I can't because it "annoys you"
You made it seem like you don't care...but you say you do...
You think it's more difficult to help me now that we don't see each other as much anymore...
Then you mentioned how we're drifting apart...and I can't help but agree...I would completely understand if you were to never talk to me again, but I really don't want that to happen, ever.
We aren't like we were a year ago.
We get into fights more, and I know they're all my fault. I don't blame you for them. It's how I am, and I can't help that I get mad easily sometimes.
But I HATE getting mad at you, I feel terrible when I do. But when I am mad...I still want to talk to you, I don't want you to leave me alone.
But I don't know how to get our friendship back on track...
You tend think that I never want to talk, when in reality I always do. Very few people message me, and that goes for on here too. I haven't really felt like myself lately, but I do want to talk...
I just don't know what to do anymore...
(( I just needed to get this off of my chest. I'm supposed to be asleep right now but I can't because I've been stressing about this...I know it might seem stupid, and that I might kinda come off as a bitch...I...I just really need a fucking hug right now...but I do feel a bit better after writing this, so maybe I will get some sleep after all...I'll probably end up deleting this, no sense in having it up anymore if/when I feel better and this whole thing is resolved. Hell, maybe I'll even send her this....lol...but anyway, don't mind me...))